The choice to forgive can be powerful and life-giving in a marriage relationship. Refusing to forgive a spouse carries serious emotional, relational, and spiritual consequences.
When we refuse to forgive, we imprison our hearts and allow bitterness and resentment to take root. Over time, bitterness grows and can lead to emotional exhaustion.That’s because unforgiveness reinforces negative feelings and, like a candle without oxygen, healthy emotions are snuffed out.
Refusing to forgive your spouse also blocks the power of the Holy Spirit from producing fruit and new growth in your life or your husband’s life. This is because unforgiveness is an injustice, not just against your spouse, but a sin, that unconfessed, hinders God’s plan for your life.
We often hold back from forgiving each other because we confuse it with excusing the wrong. Withholding forgiveness can also be motivated out of a desire for revenge or the fear of being hurt again. Sometimes pride keeps us from forgiving because we are afraid of being vulnerable to our spouse. If we fail to grasp that it is only God’s grace and the experience of His complete forgiveness, we can fail miserably, at forgiving our husband or wife.
God commands us to forgive as He has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). Scripture warns that an unforgiving heart creates a barrier to experiencing the fullness of God’s grace in our own lives.
Choosing to forgive is a choice and an action that we do once, and then spend the rest of our lives, either activating or deactivating. When we are triggered or experience fresh hurt, we must still walk out forgiveness from the past. We must choose not to allow what we have already forgiven to consume our thoughts again.
We forgive because God forgave us. We forgive so that we do not harden our hearts toward our spouse or Father God. We forgive so that our relationships with our mate and with God keep growing and deepening. Matthew 6:14-15 teaches us, forgiveness keeps God’s mercy flowing in our lives. And since His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 2:22-23), by practicing mercy and forgiveness toward each other, God pours out His mercy on us, daily.
Dr. Deborah Bauers 2/2026
Thanks!
Deborah
