(A Companion Article to “Marriage on Purpose”).
If you and your spouse are facing a critical moment in your lives that is negatively impacting your relationship with each other, there are specific things you can do to prevent your marriage from falling apart.
- Make it a priority to sit down together and talk. Be ready to listen, listen, listen, before you speak. Learning to listen is critical to feeling heard.
- Be willing to share your feelings around the context of the crisis you are each experiencing.
- Start small. There’s a wise old saying that emphasizes the importance of not overwhelming each other in the midst of the struggle. Feed the horse one bale of hay at a time and let him digest it before you dump the rest of the load.
- Offer emotional support for each other by not judging or trying to immediately “fix” each other’s feelings. Give each other permission to feel and express individual emotions. Whether you agree with what you hear or not, accept your spouse’s feelings.
- Prepare your heart to offer grace and forgiveness instead of criticism and blame. Recognize that when you find fault with your spouse, you are generally protecting your own ego instead of taking ownership your own behavior.
- Take responsibility for being a part of the solution to the crisis that you both are experiencing. “Something that I need to do a better job of is…” shows that you are willing to be humble and makes it easier to trust you.
- Be willing to brainstorm ways to increase the support that you both need and to allow each other to be authentic even in the midst of the crisis. It is much better to face challenges on the same team, than to face off against each other.
Throughout your marriage you will have difficult times. You may deal with chronic illness. Financial difficulty might stretch your resources as a couple. Loss and trauma could be just ahead in your future. And, let’s face it, we all bring baggage with us into marriage that can present its own challenges.
With the right tools, a genuine love for each other, and the willingness to “do” life together, you will be equipped to weather the storms ahead. Expect some crisis, but also expect seasons of great joy, punctuated by life’s surprises. Embrace the challenges and the blessings. You and your spouse are on an exciting journey together. God’s Word says that two are stronger than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9). If you combine each other’s strengths, and trust God, together you can be over-comers. Your marriage can emerge from a time of crisis with greater strength and spiritual endurance.
