“What Is Being Shared” — Building the Right Foundation
The first year of marriage is sacred ground. It is the season where two individuals begin the lifelong process of becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24). The habits formed, the tone set, and the conversations embraced—or avoided—become the architecture of the marriage.
In Dr. Bauers’ paradigm for marital growth, the foundation begins with Level I: “What Is Being Shared?” While Levels II and III are essential for depth and long-term health of the marriage, they cannot sustain a marriage that has not first learned how to build a solid foundation based on companionship, respect, and communication within a Covenant relationship.
“What Is Being Shared” focuses on the daily exchange between husband and wife: words, time, affection, expectations, values, dreams, fears, responsibilities, and spiritual life.
In the first year of marriage, everything is being shared for the first time—home, finances, extended family dynamics, decision-making authority, and emotional space. Newlyweds are learning to know each others’ personalities and preferences, gifts, and talents. Each spouse should be learning that they both are uniquely created and equipped to become the “I” spoken of in Ephesians 5:31-32.
Level II addresses what is being admitted—vulnerability, humility, forgiveness and ownership. Level III addresses what is being confronted?—conflict resolution, learning compromise, third-way thinking and working together without personal attack. However, couples who rush to confrontation without first building consistent, safe sharing, often experience defensiveness and emotional distance.
Level I establishes emotional and physical safety needed during the first year of marriage. Safety invites honesty and grows vulnerability and intimacy.
Healthy sharing in the first year includes daily conversations, discussing expectations, sharing emotional experiences, and growing spiritually together. When faith in Christ is intentionally woven into daily sharing, the foundation becomes solid. (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
A strong foundation includes daily check-ins, weekly intentional time together, shared decision-making, affirming words, and a gentle tone even during disagreement. The goal is not perfection, but pattern.
During the first year of marriage, a husband and wife should be establishing roles and learning about headship and submission in the relationship. Study in God’s Word will reveal the chain of accountability in marriage, beginning with the Headship of Christ.
If you build confrontation skills without connection, you risk harshness. If you pursue vulnerability without safety, you risk withdrawal. But if you build a strong sharing foundation first, everything else has a secure place on which to stand.
“What Is Being Shared” is not a frivolous concept or a framework for emotional weakness.—it is the brick and mortar of the marriage. Build the foundation well, and the rest of the house will rise more securely because of it.
Deborah C. Bauers
© 2026 Deborah C. Bauers
